How we respond to triggers matter!

I just realized that when I hear certain noises…. the first intial feeling and response is fear , inwardly I feel fear

Of being in trouble

Fear that my noise is upsetting others

And I’ve been accustomed to quieting down based upon the discomfort of others

I’ve been being controlled by certain noises

Because I grew up in an abusive home

Where there was always noise, always loud yelling, always a slammed door

Seeing and hearing things being thrown around and pulled down;  sometimes it was my mother

Hearing the sounds of her being beaten with fist, belts & sometimes a bat!

And so i learned to be quiet because of the fear of repercussions of what may happen to me.

If you heard me make a noise , if you knew I was present , I’d hide under tables , I sat close by enough to hear if my mother was okay , back then I never knew how to intervene, how to speak up for the injustice that happened in my home even when it was happening to me!

I learned to hush when faced with fear

So growing up ..speaking up was ackward  and out of the norm for me

But in this season God doesn’t want me

to be afraid of the noise

But to speak to it , to speak up against it ,

Life Empowerment Coach Reenii